Sestina of Grief’s Stages

Sestina of Grief’s Stages

Three months you’ve been inside me, warm

and safe, like anyone should be at home

My placenta embraced you, caressing you in love

and nourishment. This pulsing cord infusing life

and blood, has spared no maternal physical loss

to shelter you in my scarlett from worldly grief

 

Creating you carried small daily griefs

Sickness, pain, diabetes raged me to keep you warm

I wilted while you grew- lamenting no loss

With permanent physical change I became your home

And still joyously waited with bated breath for your life

This all, imbibed in you for but the sake of love

 

After this holy, blood smeared, pledge of love

where I swore to encapsulate you from fear and grief

you ceased to move. No. There must be life.

No longer is blood drumming through your tiny, warm

fingers? Am I the only one home?

No. It cannot be loss.

 

No, it is fire. A Raging red reality- not loss.

You said I needed to nourish and love,

still within me a grave replaced her home.

Fury overwhelms with no thought of grief

Nothing and no one is good nor true nor warm

Why God, did you give, then cruelly rip away my child’s life?

 

Broken down soul begs divine to restore lost life

What I would give to reverse the loss

of my child, what I would give to hold her warm

body. Take her out now. She needs to know my love.

I ache to hold her and know full grief

Remove her, so my arms can briefly be her home

 

A mother is not made to have empty arms at home

What was wrong with me, that she lost her life?

There is nothing to dull ineffable grief

There is nothing comparable to this loss

She was my one and only love

The sun has gone, cold. Ice, void is warm.

 

I take refuge that your home was safe, you never knew loss

I take refuge that your life has known naught but my love

I take refuge in my grief, that you were real and that I kept you warm.

 

*Though miscarriage statistics widely vary, UpToDate reported in 2016 that 8-20% women with known pregnancies will experience a miscarriage. In unconfirmed pregnancies the rate soars to 30%.

 

Tulandi, Togas. "Patient Education: Miscarriage (Beyond the Basics)." UpToDate. July 16, 2016. Accessed November 17, 2016. http://www.uptodate.com/contents/miscarriage-beyond-the-basics.

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